A Marvel Vs Capcom 2 fic on drugs
by Newsmoke7
Summary: First fic ever. This is basically a old fic me and a friend did back in 2009, way before there was a Marvel Vs Capcom 3. If you read it, you can tell there was some hallucinogens involved...


A.N: My first [lame fic]. This was actually a collaboration effort me and a friend made way before the release of Marvel Vs Capcom 3, back in 2009. We exchanged stories and he wrote it down. I do not take credit for writing this. I am just doing this to pay tribute to my friend who's a rather humorous author. I have no idea if he vanished off of the face of the Earth.\

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in this story. They all belong to their respective owners [Marvel and Capcom].

A.D. 2101. War was...no, no, no.

2001. Sorry. my mistake. Anyway, 2001. War was beginning between the greaat Marvel Superheroes (and villains) versus the greatest of Capcom's creatons. Even Capcom itself showed up in the form of CAPtain COMmando, who was found to be going commando at the time in question. Somehow, there was a time rift and Megaman and Roll managed to come back in time 'cause they're from the future and stuff. Also, the same thing happened for other future/past characters who couldn't possibly exist at the time. And stuff. Bah, how they got here didn't matter. All that matters is that they're here. That's all anybody cares about, is beating freakin' Cyclops up with freakin' Ryu. 'Cept that didn't happen 'cause they teamed up to do battle with Magneto and such horribly fearsome enemies as...Cyber Akuma. Here is a brief history of what happened.

"I am looking to find strong opponents," Ryu began.

Cyclops, having met Ryu before, laughed aloud and spoke, "Ryu! It's good to see you again."

"I want to find strong opponents."

"Well, we're about to start a war..."

"I want to fight strong opponents."

"..."

"I want to fight strong opponents."

"Right..."

"I want to-"

"I get the idea, okay? Anyway, plot device, we're allies!"

Ryu and Cyclops became allies. Then Ken appeared and he was all like, "Yo, guys, I wanna get in on the action too!" but he wasn't a main character. He was just the second-hand rip off that nobody liked (even though everybody likes him infinitely more than the real main hero guys) so Cyclops had to be his stuck up prickish self.

"Nope. We have all the fighters we need now. Haha!"

So, in an act of spite, Ken went into his Super Evil Angry I'm-An-Akuma-Rip-Off version named Violent Ken with his silly whiteman's fro which was so ridiculous that Cyclops was blinded in one eye, which should have made him entirely blind, but since he isn't actually a cyclops, he still had one eye left.

Bah, anyway, there were these x-men dudes and a few Spider-Guys and maybe even a Hulk or two who were all ready to do battle against the like...3 bad guys in the entire game. With such overwhelming odds, Magneto and M. Bison decided they needed to go to drastic measures.

"Bison! We need you to do something drastic."

"Oh, I have drastic plans of drastic dramatic drasticness-icity!"

"...that made no sense at all, but okay."

So M. Bison called in Cyber Akuma who was very clown-ish in appearance and was almost as ridiculous that of Angry Ken. Hulk died of laughing as Spider-Man had to make a stupid comment

"lawlz, you look about as silly as I am nerdy"

However, as it turns out, Cyber Akuma is also as cheap as Super Turbo Akuma, and since he's in cyber form, he is powered by **nuclear fission **rather than hadou, making him approximately 9,000x worse. Spider-Man was promptly destroyed

Realizing finally that they were in serious trouble, Ryu and Cyclops decided to fuse, but since this isn't Dragon ball Z, they ended up just dancing around in such a stupid manner that Cyber Akuma's head exploded.

Then the real Akuma showed up and he was real pissed off at how stupid Cyber Akuma was. So, he was all like, "Blargh! I'll kill you all!" and proceeded to go Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo on everyone's asses.

M. Bison died, bringing in the next villain Sentinel who was so stupid that he could have been replaced by a rock and done as well of a job. Anyway, Ken died, Sakura died, Roll died, Megaman transformed into Megaman .Exe to do battle, but since Megaman .Exe is so lame, he died, Dan's father died (again), a few other characters who aren't going to be used at all for this died, and a huge plot device to cut the characters down to what's necessary for use here. Magneto developed a new plan!

"Okay, I will use a succubus to drive Ryu away. Then, I will use a mirror on cyclops, use my super Magnet powers to take his visor off, and his lazors will bounce off the mirror and kill him. My plan is flawless!"

Sentinel, having some common sense, said, "Statement: Won't the mirror be destroyed?"

Magneto countered, "Heck no! It's made of plexi-glass."

"Statement: Plexi-glass doesn't-"

"SHUT UP! MY PLAN IS FLAWLESS!"

So, Morrigan came in and was talking to Ryu in her usual sultry style

"Hello, Ryu. Want to...'dance'?"

"I'm a marital arts master!"

"I know, so you should be -real- good at this, shouldn't you?"

"I'm a marital arts master."

"...yes. We've covered this."

"I'm a marital arts master!"

"..."

"I'm a marital arts master"

"You sound like a broken record."

Then suddenly Ken jumped in

"Hey, babe. Wanna 'dance' with me?"

"Hm. Blonde, American...not a broken record...all right, fine. Might as well have -some- fun."

So they began 'dancing' (sideways) when Eliza came in and found Ken cheating on her. Well, since it was that -certain time of the month-, Eliza went apeshit crazy and began killing everyone while blubbering like a whale about how she couldn't believe this. So, more plot device deaths occur when she finally comes back.

"And you must be -real- desperate, you nerd, if you're screwing someone so old looking."

"Wha-?" Ken turned to see Morrigan, who hasn't had a new model in her entire career. Her breasts were now sagging, her buttocks filled more room than Rainbow Mika's and she had more wrinkles than Cranky Kong. Ken flipped out and was all "Oh crap! that's disgusting! Geez, I'd rather divide by zero. OH SH" upon which point this particular ark exploded.

The resulting explosion by dividing by zero decimated even more unused characters. Now there were so many dead bodies that only Magneto, Sentinel, Ryu, and Cyclops were left.

"Well..uh...this sucks."

"Oh yeah...welp, time to fight!"

So, huge epic fight scene where the absolutely boring-ness-ocity of Ryu and Cyclops's combined generic moveset managed to make Magneto's head explode. This caused a huge magnetic wave that crushed Sentinel into a tin can, and promptly removed Cyclops's visor. Now that he was visor-less, Cyclops was all "BLAH!" and fired his lazor at Ryu, who was evaporated. Then, his lazors hit Magneto's plexiglass mirror, bounced off, and killed him in the process just as Cyber Dan arrived.

"HAHA! YOU WILL ALL FEAR...ohhh, everybody's dead? Dangit. Why am I always so slow? GRRR"

Cyber Dan kicked a dead body, which made Super Turbo Akuma appear.

"You defeated all these guys?"

"Uh...yes?"

"GOU SHORYUKEN!"

APLODEY!

Cyber Dan landed everywhere in such a wave of lame that everybody was revived for a MvC3, ending this fic in such a lame way that really jumped the shark.

Note 1- Violent Ken is a reference to Ken's evil form in Snk Vs Capcom: Chaos

Note 2- I personally never understood why Capcom always had Ryu team up with Cyclops. It didn't help that Cyclops had a sort of similar moveset with a projectile, hurricane kick, and a shoryuken.

Note 3- Akuma in Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo is pretty broken gameplay wise. He's one of those game breaker type characters that as you play him, that he literally breaks the game, making the game devolve into "Pick Akuma or lose". Most characters in the game can never beat him and as a result, he's banned in serious tournament play.

Note 4- The whole Morrigan bit is a reference to the whole overused "rehashed Morrigan sprite" jokes constantly spewed on forums. Morrigan who debuted in 1994's Darkstalkers, has had the same sprite reused for every single appearance she has had in a 2D sprite based fighting game to the point where her appearance in 2001's Capcom Vs SNK 2 looks very out of place.

Note 5- The Marital Arts Master thing with Ryu is basically a reference to a old Gamepro mag in the 90s that was covering Street Fighter II. It had the hilarious typo of referring to him as a "marital arts master" instead of a "martial arts master". All I have to say is, if Ryu is a marital arts master, then how come Ken is married and Ryu can't even get a girlfriend?

Note 6- Yeah, the whole scene with Cyber Dan is a reference to Akuma's admittedly hilarious ending in Marvel Super Heroes Vs Street Fighter.

Anyways, leave some reviews if you want. You don't have to, especially for a lame ass fic like this.


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